About half way through the fall semester of my second year in seminary the listing of class offerings for the coming January term was published. Much to my dismay the only class that really interested me was a study trip to the Holy Land – which, without even looking, I knew that I could not afford the price.

Looking at the remaining options I decided to pursue what I told myself would be the “least bad possibility” – a class in substance abuse/addiction recovery. I knew that it was necessary to take a class in order to stay on track for commencement at the end of three years. I am so grateful that I made that decision. What I hoped would be a class that was at least interesting quickly became one of the most interesting and inspirational classes that I would ever take (an unexpected detour to a main road) – a great learning opportunity – discovery of a calling – a genuine gift from God.

This class provided one of the greatest opportunities for spiritual growth and development that has ever come my way. Without a doubt – it continues to be life changing!!

This one January term class was followed by a twelve week full-time internship the following summer with one of Austin’s fine residential treatment facilities. That internship was followed by pursuit of more opportunities to learn and to gain valuable experience working with people who were in different stages of the journey of recovery.

It will take a few more posts to communicate the impact this one class had on my life and my spirituality. I continue to work with people as they continue their journey as often as I am able. Another reward is the way I am constantly reminded of the miraculous work my grandfather did in that faith community in northeastern Oklahoma where I was born. I feel like life has come full circle every time I meet with someone who is pursuing the never ending quest for wholeness and health.

Before I sign off – once again I want to ask that people who read these blogs take the time to join in a community discussion. I greatly appreciate it when my Facebook account lets me know that someone “likes” my “activity on Word Press” – but – I long to read responses (either on Facebook or by leaving a comment on this blog site), and have the joy of responding to the responses so we might join in a conversation.

I do not want to be misunderstood – this is not an attempt to encourage people to admit their own addictions and compulsions – but – the journey toward recovery absolutely is a time of significant spiritual growth for anyone who has ever – or is – sharing the journey! I very much hope that some of you will be willing to join the conversation!!

Although I believed that I had clearly heard God’s call on my life when I was 19, I did not begin my seminary training until September, 2005 – when I was 58 years old. The decision to attend seminary was actually made in January of that same year. During the intervening months between the decision to attend and the actual start of classes time provided months for me to receive advice and opinions from others.

One that was fun was a remark by the person who led my two day psychological testing as part of the approval process for being allowed to pursue ordination in the Presbyterian Church (U.S.A.). As we began the process he asked me, so what made you decide that you should attend cemetery? I responded, you mean seminary, to which he responded, clearly you have not been there yet. The result, I relaxed, and the remainder of my psychological testing was a joy and a pleasure.

However, I was very surprised at the number of people who advised me not to let seminary destroy my faith. I found my time in seminary to be very rewarding. My faith was never challenged – at least not in the negative manner about which I had been warned. Quite the contrary I found it to be a rewarding time of growth and study – a way to discover answers to questions that had haunted me for years.

One example – I had always been troubled by the final verse in the fifth chapter of Matthew’s gospel – following are three translations that I had known for years:

Be ye therefore perfect, even as your Father which is in heaven is perfect. (King James Version); Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect. (New Revised Standard Version); Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect. (New International Version).

My response initially was despair – there is absolutely no way for me to be perfect as God is perfect – so I figured why bother and moved on.

Some years later I encountered the translation in the English Standard Version – You therefore must be perfect, as your heavenly Father is perfect. which only compounded my despair with its addition of the emphatic therefore must be – knowing that I never could be perfect I shoved that verse deep into the recesses of my mind – trying to pretend it was not there – hoping that somehow it might disappear – but – it never did.

Not until several months after I had completed introductory Greek did I dare to look at Matthew 5:48 in the Greek text – where I found:

ἔσεσθε οὖν ὑμεῖς τέλειοι ὡς ὁ πατὴρ ὑμῶν ὁ οὐράνιος τέλειός ἐστιν.

That was the first time that I realized that the two words translated as perfect in English were τέλειοι and τέλειός – they were not the same words. I knew enough to know that they were related – but I also knew enough to realize that they were not the same. It wasn’t long before I realized that they were different tenses of the same word – the first being a future tense and the second being a present perfect tense. For me – the Good News had just become wonderful news – I now knew to read that text – which had troubled me for so very many years – You will be made perfect as God always has been, is, and always will be perfect.

Just one of many examples where my study at seminary helped to restore my faith rather than destroying my faith in anyway. There are numerous other examples where learning to read the Hebrew and the Greek texts were liberating and restorative, but for now I will end this post by saying that I graduated from seminary when I was 61 and was ordained as a Presbyterian pastor (teaching elder) when I was 62.

More to follow – I hope many of you will join in the conversation! Grace and peace

Just a few more thoughts before we move to the substance of the coming discussions.

I hope that we might avoid the use of labels during our conversations. It has been my experience that use of labels often hurt and divide more than necessary since they are so often misunderstood.

Words like conservative, liberal, progressive, and orthodox give me pause and reason for concern.

If I described myself as conservative I would guess that many of you who know me or have read this blog would respond with a resounding “NO WAY!” Well that all depends.

Conservatives desire that something be conserved. And it is easy to misunderstand when the responder feels that there is no way that the person using the labeling word could possibly be interested in conserving the same things as the person objecting to the label.

For example – when I self describe as a conservative I am stating that I am interested in conserving the values that Jesus taught in the Sermon on the Mount. That is very different from me being interested in conserving many of the layers of theology that have been placed over and around the teachings of Jesus in the years that have followed – particularly in many of the ways that the institutional church has turned teachings of universal love into hierarchy, who is in and who is out, exclusivity, sexism, oppression, guilt and fear.

Am I a liberal or a progressive – absolutely YES if you mean that I do not agree with dogmatic teachings of the church that do not reflect the true teachings of Jesus – teachings that allow human constraints to be placed above love for self, God, community, and others – ALL OTHERS – not just the ones with which we would most like to identify as those who are with us – those who are on the right path.

Sadly I have often seen labeling lead to discrimination and oppression that contribute to discrimination and oppression from words misunderstood or mis-used. I heard someone say: “there is enough ugliness and misery in our world – we should not contribute more.”

So as we move forward in the coming days and weeks I pray that we might move forward in love and inclusion – it has been my experience that love and inclusion lead to growth and maturity rather than separation and division. Let us hear what is said – read what is written – then, and only then, respond in love. It is easier to listen while preparing a response – but often that type of hearing misses the goal of true communication and dialogue.

I believe it really is about love and grace!

This post was started early in the morning on the last Sunday of 2014.

This coming Thursday we will celebrate the beginning of the new year – 2015. As we approach this change in the calendar I am being led to change the direction of this blog – by necessity, at least in the very early stages, it will still mostly be about me and my own experience because that is really the only experience I am able to write about. However, it is my hope to pursue a topic that will generate more conversation and discussion among the people who read these words – and, hopefully, generate interest among those who have not read this blog previously.

For the next period of time this blog will focus on our spiritual journey – I will open the discussion by describing my own journey in hopes that a number of you will join the discussion by describing your own journey. But first – I am imposing some rules of the road – this blog will be a place of love and compassion for everyone – all responses should honor each and every person wherever they may be in their own journey and wherever they may be going. We are not here to judge each other – we are here to read and respond – remembering that we are all precious children of God. I hope we will all find this a time of growth and maturation – and a time for expanding our own personal understanding of the Holy.

I have always hoped that my journey could be described in a manner that might be represented by the following:

Unfortunately – or – fortunately a description of my journey is better represented by:

My journey has seldom resembled a continuing line in any direction – it continues to have twists and turns often seeming that what might be answers to questions develop into even more questions – often confusion – sometimes hard to even begin to see a way forward – but – always a journey of faith – of trust.

It is with great anticipation that I look forward to the continuation of this community discussion – which will only be a community discussion if others participate. It is not my desire for this to become a one-way conversation with me doing most – or all – of the talking/writing. Learning in life is best done in community – and – community can only exist when all participate fully. Please join the conversation!

In the next post I will attempt to briefly describe where I started my journey – and – the place where my journey is currently located. In many ways they are more alike than I ever could have imagined. How about you . . .

It is now 3:30 in the afternoon on Sunday, December 28, 2014 and time to launch this post. Grace and peace

Imagine the gentle voice of Harry Belafonte singing . . .

Long time ago in Bethlehem,
So the holy bible say,
Mary’s boy child, Jesus Christ,
Was born on Christmas day.

Hark, now hear the angels sing,
A new love born today, And all will live forever more,
Because of Christmas day.

While shepherds watched their flocks by night,
They see a bright new shining star,
They hear a choir sing,
The music seemed to come from afar.

Hark, now hear the angels sing,
A new love born today, And all will live forever more,
Because of Christmas day.

Now Joseph and his wife Mary,
Come to Bethlehem that night,
They find no place to lay her child,
Not a single room was in sight.

Hark, now hear the angels sing,
A new love born today, And all will live forever more,
Because of Christmas day.

Trumpets sound and angels sing,
Listen to what they say,
That all will live forever more,
Because of Christmas day.

May this blessed wonderful season bring peace, joy, goodwill, and love for everyone, everywhere, all the time! Let there be peace – true shalom – and let it begin with each and every person.

Over the years I have been privileged to be present for musical performances that will always be part of my memory of extraordinary blessings I have received as well as deep gratitude for having enjoyed the opportunity to be a part of the occasion. Sometimes I was part of the audience, sometimes part of the performing ensemble, and others as a conductor. All of these occasions will always be with me and continue to form me as the person I am today.

None could have ever been more special that the one last evening, Sunday, December 21, 2014, when the choir that I am honored to conduct at St. Andrew’s Presbyterian Church here in Austin offered a Festival of Christmas Music. The program was varied in style and genre, both sacred and secular. From the very beginning it was clear that the audience had come to enjoy the performance while warmly expressing their appreciation at the end of each number.

It brought to mind two statements that I heard Robert Shaw say which have always been very important to me. Once he was asked what kind of musicians he desired to have in the Atlanta Symphony Orchestra – he responded, the best amateur professionals that are available. He then went on to explain – amateur – people who practice their art for the love of it – and – professional – people who strive to always strive to meet the highest standards. Second, he was asked how he would like for the Atlanta Symphony Orchestra to be remembered – his response – as the best intentioned orchestra that ever has been.

Those statements fully describe the choir at St. Andrew’s Presbyterian Church. They are all amateurs – none of them are paid – not even the few who make their living in the world of music. They sing in the choir for the joy, satisfaction, and love of doing so. They are all also fully professional – a number of them have training and experience that allow them to practice their art to a very high degree of expertise. All of them, however, constantly work to improve their skills – to gain more competence each and every time we have a rehearsal, sing in a worship service, or offer a public concert performance like the one last night. It is also a genuine pleasure to work with an ensemble which is both willing and able to immerse themselves in radically different styles – able to switch from one to another during the short time it takes to receive the appreciative applause of the listeners before moving along immediately to whatever is next.

They are wonderful human beings who have dedicated their lives to love, compassion, music, and service. To partially borrow a phrase: they constantly are striving to be all that they are able to be and become. They give and give and give – and – they respond to a conductor who often pushes them too hard and too fast by giving all they have to rise to the occasion, conquer the stated goal, and stand ready to move toward the next goal whatever it may be and whenever it may be – even if that is next Sunday – or day after tomorrow.

They are intelligent, mentally curious, dedicated volunteers who exemplify the best that a community of faith can be – an ensemble of loving and compassionate people who want to make the current world, time, and place better for all of creation.

The very first time I ever met with them I wondered to myself what level of competence might become possible – and – today I knew that I could not let this day pass without writing this post to express my deepest gratitude for who they are, who they have become, and who they will become as we continue to do our work together as amateur professionals. Also, I cannot finish this post without offering my gratitude to all of their families who greatly assist in making it possible for us to create the art that we continue to strive for together. All of this is also made possible by a congregation and staff that lovingly provide an environment of support and freedom of expression that is not to be found in many situations.

I know that some of my colleagues are reading this and thinking “so are you trying to tell us that they are perfect?” NO! None of us are perfect!! From time to time some of us have had a bad day and arrive in a bad mood – others are dealing with heavy burdens of day to day living – occasionally it seems like all of us have the cold from h**l – times when the room is either to hot or cold enough to hang meat. There have been times when it seems that nothing works – times that I schedule a series of anthems that no choir could handle well in succession. At least, here in Austin, we seldom have to worry about a blizzard!

I know I have written before about one of my favorite anthems – The Journey Is Our Home – with music composed by Allen Pote and text by Allen and Nancy Hollis Dillard. The opening words seem to me to describe our continuing goal: Awake! Arise! the journey’s begun. We travel on together as one. We know not where the road will lead, but we move in faith making love our creed as we follow: the journey is our home!

In the following posts I will write about my memories of some of those other magical musical moments. I would love for many of you to respond about those times in your life when you know without any doubt that you are doing the work that God intends for you to do – be it music or something else.

I close with words of wisdom from the pen of Frederick Buechner who writes that vocation is the place God calls you to is the place where your deep gladness and the world’s deep hunger meet (From Wishful Thinking: A Theological ABC. New York: Harper & Row, Publishers, 1973. Page 95).

This coming Sunday

December 21, 2014

6:00 p.m.

Festival of

Christmas Music

St. Andrew’s Presbyterian Church

14311 Wells Port Dr. at Wells Branch Pkwy.

Austin, Texas 78728

A varied concert of sacred and secular music appropriate for people of all ages, offered as our seasonal gift to the community.

We hope all of you will join us and bring your friends – includes the opportunity for all of us to join in the singing of some of our favorite seasonal melodies and lyrics.

Every day except Sunday we had Lehr’s – fine food many different ways – never was there anything better than after the game french fries. It is my understanding that Lehr’s is no longer part of the Augusta dining scene.

For me at least – and for many others – Sunday was usually Dairy Queen day. Still have not found a burger that competes with my memories of the ones at DQ over the years – and for me there was always the Coke freeze – ask for that at other places and in other towns and you really get some funny and curious looks.

From the early days – Ballinger’s Cafeteria – later on got to know their wonderful catering service even in Wichita.

And of course – Dariette and Miller’s Five – depending on which part of town you were in.

I believe Pizza Hut finally arrived about year before my high school graduation – and – then even later McDonald’s found their way to Augusta.

I remember the A&W very well – but I don’t remember when it became part of our local cuisine – but – that root beer in those chilled mugs – hard to beat!

And I must not overlook the Taco Tico – do those still exist in Kansas?

I also remember a pizza place on the south side of Seventh as you came into town – but I don’t recall the name – and – a Subway on the north side of Seventh after going through the light at State Street.

Would love to here from those of you who are still there about what to expect when we come to Augusta for the Class of 1965 50 Year Reunion next year – and – also some of the places that I missed or have come and gone since I was last there over ten years ago.

Bon Appetit!

Yesterday was an extraordinary thought provoking day for me. The morning worship services provided my primary need to write this response today. After church I went to brunch with my wife and my wonderful mother-in-law who now lives with us. I attended the ordination to ministry of a friend and classmate during the afternoon, and finished the day with our weekly family dinner at the home of our youngest, her husband, their 3 and 1/2 year old daughter, and a very exuberant and playful puppy, Annie. It was a day of abundance, celebration, and joy!

As I reflected on the day, however, my thoughts kept returning to the morning worship services and especially to the sermon that friend and colleague Jim Rigby delivered. As I have before – I strongly urge everyone who reads this blog to go to the website – http://www.staopen.org – later this week, follow the tab to Sermons, and listen to/watch this powerful sermon.

During the sermon Jim reflected on the multiple stories that have recently headlined the news in a number of communities around the country, and my mind immediately shifted to a number of towns that I knew well where it is/was clearly understood that people of color should not be in the town after sundown. I don’t remember it ever being a topic for open public discussion, but from time to time someone would quietly remind others not to be concerned since “those” people “knew” that they must to be gone prior to sundown. It took me years to begin to understand that, in fact, I was also a part of a white privilege society. Later in life, it did not take me long to speak out for justice on behalf of women, or LGBTQ people, people who had been made invisible by substance addiction, or others who lived in oppression and injustice. After all I did not experience any of the demonstrations, peace marches, sit-ins or other protests where I had lived. It simply was not an issue where I grew up – and now I know why. It was not an issue because we were carefully protected by powerful silent invisible barriers designed to keep us from needing to ever learn about white privilege.

I finally began to understand a little during the years I taught in a private high school in Birmingham, Alabama that had been open to students without regard to race, ethnicity, or religious affiliation since the schools founding in the 1950s. However, only very recently have I been challenged to see my privilege at the expense of those who lived in ongoing oppression and injustice. I no longer am able to remain silent! I know that I have much more to learn and understand, and I hope that I am afforded opportunities to speak publicly about this matter. I pray that I will take the actions that I need to take to raise a voice of equality for all.

Again yesterday in Jim’s sermon I was stuck by the power of the words of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., when Jim read the following excerpt from Dr. King’s “Letter From the Birmingham Jail”: I must confess that over the past few years I have been gravely disappointed with the white moderate. I have almost reached the regrettable conclusion that the Negro’s great stumbling block in his stride toward freedom is not the White Citizen’s Counciler or the Ku Klux Klanner, but the white moderate, who is more devoted to “order” than to justice; who prefers a negative peace which is the absence of tension to a positive peace which is the presence of justice.

http://www.africa.upenn.edu/Articles_Gen/Letter_Birmingham.html

Jim also made reference to portion of the text of one of the beloved Christmas Carols:

It came upon the midnight clear that glorious song of old, from angels bending near the earth, to touch their harps of gold: “Peace on the earth good will to all, from heaven’s all-gracious One”: the word in solemn stillness lay to hear the angels sing.

And you, beneath life’s crushing load, whose forms are bending low, who toil along the climbing way with painful steps and slow, look new, for glad and golden hours come swiftly on the wing: O, rest beside the weary road, and hear the angels sing.

For lo, the days are hastening on, by prophets seen of old, when with the ever-circling years shall come the time foretold, when peace shall over all the earth its ancient splendors fling, and the whole world give back the song which now the angels sing.

We must remember that true peace – true shalom – is much much more than just the absence of war. Let us all be active bearers of love and reconciliation for all of the continuing creation.

Grace and peace

So very many things about Augusta that I remember fondly . . . after all I was in Augusta before the Plaza existed . . . even before the Walmart on Ohio . . . there were only two elementary schools in those days Garbage Garfield and Stinkin Lincoln (if my memory is correct Robinson was named for the person serving as Superintendent of Schools when my mother was hired to teach second grade, and I went to school with some named Ewat) . . . Ballinger’s was still a cafeteria . . . the Safeway building was still a Safeway grocery store . . . before the bowling alley . . . you remember back in the good ol’ days when you could tell you were close to Augusta by simply rolling down your car windows (thank you refinery) – and – oh yes – don’t forget the taste of the water.

There was Lehr’s (except on Sundays) – and – Dairy Queen – and Dariette and Miller’s Five – my oh my how did we ever grow up without a McDonald’s or a Pizza Hut – then along came A&W.

Somehow we managed to get an education in the old junior high and high school buildings.

A huge Christmas tree in the middle of State Street.

Streets paved with bricks

We all learned how to fold newspapers the way that the Augusta Daily Gazette was folded so it could make to any porch in town from a bicycle going full speed.

Driver’s ed in Garvin Park with that old manual transmission car – the ditches along the sides of the road will never be the same.

When the big siren sounded – knowing whether it was a fire, a tornado, or just a weekly test – and – of course – the refinery whistle.

Moyle Field – used for baseball in the summer and ice skating in the winter.

Our concert halls were gymnasiums – thanks to Len Hudson for recently unearthing the article from the paper about the hootenanny in the old high school gym – I certainly remember the event – but – I confess – I don’t ever remember agreeing to be known as the Augustones.

Taco Tico – we had unusual tastes in Mexican food in those days

Memorial Day celebrations at Elmwood Cemetery.

We played good basketball in Augusta – and I was one of many who learned to shoot free throws underhanded – what we called “granny style.” As I recall – we were never quite as good with football as we were with basketball. Stand up and cheer . . .

Attending the dance parties at Channel 12 in Wichita.

Driving miles and miles and miles – up State Street – then down State Street – then U-turn and back the other way and over and over and over and over.

And certainly no list would be complete without the many memories from the Augusta theaters – the classic art deco indoor theater downtown and the wonderful drive-in in the summer months. Thanks to the Bisagnos for all of the wonderful movies. Fantasia was one of the first movies I saw downtown.

As Dorothy reminds us in the Wizard of Oz – “there’s no place like home”

Please add to my list!