It seems to me that a person is only able to offer and receive love. When you offer love there is absolutely no guarantee that it will be received and/or returned. Likewise, when you desire love it cannot be demanded. Love – very much like grace – is a gift!

Recently I have remembered times in my life when people – friends and colleagues – have revealed their own fears through the remarks they have made about particular choices I have made for my own life. Two particular situations come to my mind as I sit to write this post today. One was the time around when I made the decision to attend Austin Presbyterian Theological Seminary, and the other was when I made the decision to accept the opportunity to become Director Music at St. Andrew’s Presbyterian Church here in Austin.

I have been amazed and saddened by some of the “facts” about these two places that have been reported to me by others. I admit that I have also been curious how people who made these remarks – or – posed their very pointed questions to me – learned the information they were anxious to make certain that I know that they know. My reflections on these remarks and questions – joined together with my own observations about these places gained by the fact that I have willingly become part of these communities have created an interesting process and an opportunity for my own learning about life. Over and over and over – I have generally come to the same conclusion – people often make a judgment about a place, an institution, a community of faith, etc. not by first-hand experience but, rather, by what they have heard from others (who often also are without any first-hand experience), what they have imagined, or their own fear of the unknown, the different, or the potential for lack of the comfort provided by the status-quo.

Also – I have often made choices for my life based on my own fears – and – often those choices led me on a path that proved not to be the path that God intended for me to follow – times when my willfulness became more powerful than my willingness to let go of my plans and listen for and follow God’s voice – times when I have said “I have a good idea” rather than hearing and responding to the call “Follow me.”

I am now convinced of the importance of living life in a manner defined by the first three steps of the famous Twelve Steps in the tradition of Alholics Anonymous:

1. Admitting that my life is unmanageable when I am determined to be the one in control, the one making all of the decisions, the one who is not willing to trust – because I am afraid.

2. Coming to believe (Yes, it is a process for most people rather than a single moment or event in time) that a power greater than me exists and is able to restore sanity to my life.

3. Making the conscious decision to turn my life over to that greater power which means overcoming the fear of letting go (something that sounds so simple – but – in reality can be very difficult).

Today, I am happy to report that my life has been greatly enriched and truly blessed by my willingness to find out from being present as part of the communities at Austin Presbyterian Theological Seminary – and – more recently and continuing – part of the vibrant and loving community of faith known as St. Andrew’s Presbyterian Church in Austin. In no way am I making the claim that these communities are perfect because they are not – but they certainly are not places that need to be feared.

It reminds me of a powerful line from one of the songs in the extraordinary musical Children of Eden – “the hardest part of love is the letting go.”

I am certain that I will be writing more about this in the coming days as I continue my preparation to teach a four week class at St. Andrew’s on the Sunday mornings during the coming month of July. I have titled the class “Singing the Music of Creation” – and I very much look foward to letting go of my fears and listening for God’s voice as I prepare and as I teach.

Grace, and peace, and love . . .